Returning to the scene…

I had this nice long post on how I was so very sorry that I haven’t posted in ages and that I would try to be better. as I was reading through it I started to feel guilty and ashamed, then I realized this was my blog! I often seem to end up needing to take month long(or several months long) breaks and I should be okay with that no one needs me to be in here blogging when I don’t want to be.

I’m still sick spending a lot of time in bed wishing I could breathe a bit better, my head didn’t feel so groggy or I could just open my eyes.  It sucks to have my battle of the mind and depression under control only to have a body that is completely unwilling.

I’ve been slowly winding skeins for the yarn club and orders but I can only get about two skeins wound before I just about collapse so everything is continually going slower than I hope. I have been doing some stitching but not as much as you would expect from someone who is bed/sofa bound 5 out of 7 days. I will have to show you all what I have been up to while I was away!

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This supposedly had posted two weeks ago but there is NO sign of it ANYWHERE on my blog so I’m reposting it now!

Living with depression

I like to think that one of the things you all like about this blog (when it’s being written in that is) is that I have always been open and frank with you. I have talked about my dark days and rough times.

I have been sick since the 20th of March, not your normal cold or flu but something that just drains ALL of my energy. I also get headaches and general aches and pains. There have been times when I can barely move with the pain, or times when it keeps me up at night. This has been dreadful, and degrading, I spend 5 out of 7 days barely able to move and the others I’m playing frantic catch-up. This is extremely rare occurrence for me because I usually have a very naturally high immune system, very rarely get sick and when I do it’s for a mater of days compared to other peoples weeks.

This only makes my depression worse no matter what medications I’m on, It makes me feel useless and pathetic, and like I’m incapable of doing the simplest things. Unfortunately this is a cycle the sicker I get the more I get depressed. I have to just get up and say NO I’m not pathetic, or useless just because I’m sick, everyone gets sick.

I just hope I get better… soon.

Kaha, and Tapu Te Ranga

Kaha, and Tapu Te Ranga

If any of you also read Ryan’s blog, you will have read that  we recently(Jan 23rd – 25th) went to a hui(conference).  This was a wonderful, magical hui  like I have never been on before (and I have been on maybe 43+ conferences in my past). I was amazed at how many people were there I think in the end we had 159 people most of those seemed to be under 25.  This group was an amazing group of people who had a lot in common and a lot of things that held them apart. There were no issues or complaints from most of the people, and it appeared that almost everyone(if not everyone had fun.

So what made this such and awesome hui compared to the others I have been at? Well I have a few ideas…

First was location, the beautiful Tapu Te Ranga Marae.

taputeranga

This is an absolutely wonderful and amazing place to be for any reason. If you happen to also be in a position where you are staying at the Marae then please consider yourself lucky.  Tapu Te Ranga was the first marae I have been  on and it did not disappoint me in any manner.

For my non Kiwi readers a marae is is a sacred place which serves both religious and social purposes. ” It generally consists of an area of cleared land roughly rectangular (the marae itself), bordered with stones or wooden posts perhaps with terraces (paepae) which were used in olden times for ceremonial purposes; and with a central stone ahu or a’u. In  modern  Māori society the marae is still a vital part of everyday life. The closest parallel I can bring to it from America is the reservations that my people and other indigenous tribe wer placed into. The key difference is that a marae is a place chosen by and built by the Maori  as a spiritual home and a place that they can continue to connect with the earth in ways that they cannot connect in modern society. Meanwhile the Native Americans were forced onto small parts of tiny bits of land that were (usually but not always) far from their homes, they were considered “gifts” from the government for “mistreatment”.

It was really a great place to have such an amazing hui, because when you walked onto the land you could feel the positive energy and good spirits. These both only grew as the hui continued, and over all I feel like we all left on sunday afternoon with a lot more pride than we had to begin with and a sense of purpose. It was the begining of a great force to change the world led by the next generation and man you better watch out cause they are feirce!

sps

This sums up today pretty well…. Ill explain more later

SPS!!!

This is gonna be quick and dirrty cause I’m tired, I got a promotion which means I make cakes now, as in decorate cakes, I found this website which has some amazing cake galleries so here’s my self portrait maybe tomorrow I’ll post pictures of some of the cakes I’ve made

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